It’s Friday night, and you’re hanging out with your group of cool friends. You’re about to go to a buddy’s art show in a downtown warehouse – a DJ is playing. You will all probably go for a drink afterward at a craft cocktail bar. But first you need food. As usual, you stick to your culinary morals and only consider organic. I know a placeyou propose, Iit’s called McDonald’s. You probably haven’t heard of it.
Next week, Germany’s McDonald’s will test its first completely antibiotic-free, humanely raised burger. It’s fast food with a conscience, and it only took 75 years. And, this delicacy suitable for feeding the hungry masses of a utopian society is called… the McB(?).
Although not available in America, as GrubStreet points out, it will be available in two flavors, with the differences being “things like Edam cheese versus a Swiss-style Maasdam, Lollo Bionda lettuce versus arugula, and a sunflower seed bun versus a darker roll.” Was the cow local? What was that the name of the cow?
Recently, as McDonald’s continues to deal with layoffs and declining saleshe worked to enter the fast-casual market, where restaurants like Chipotle charmed lunches with organic options. Part of this strategy is to appeal to young hipsters by incorporating cool elements like skinny jeans and selfie sticks in her image. Another terrible blow: the table service. This isn’t your grandpa’s McDonald’s, Bae.
Matt Miller is a Brooklyn-based writer and music critic whose work has appeared in Esquire, Forbes, The Denver Post, and documentaries.